Who Am I?

(A reflection on Mark 1.9-15) Reflecting on the Sunday readings of Lent gives us a little "short course", on what it means to be Baptized; on what it means to be a follower of Jesus. The first Sunday of Lent always presents us with the story of the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness. This is year B, so we have Mark's version. Unlike the more familiar Matthew and Luke, Mark does NOT mention anything about the content of the temptations, nothing about what the devil suggested Jesus should do. In fact, Mark's emphasis seems to be NOT on the temptation at all (which is quickly passed over in just three words). His emphasis is rather on the time in the wilderness. One could have expected a simpler story-line: that goes from his Baptism, directly to his ministry; from his call, to his work. But all 3 versions of the story interrupt that seemingly natural flow with this time in the wilderness. "The wilderness" is not a literal, geographic place, one could find on a map. It is a "theological" place, a place of retreat - even a place of exile. It means a time of prayer, and reflection, of discernment. And so that usually means, a time of testing. For Jesus, who goes there immediately after hearing the heavenly voice, "You are my Son, the Beloved", it appears to have been a time of reflection on this declaration. A reflection on who he was, and on how he could be who he was; how he could carry out his calling, his ministry. That reflection is what the wilderness is for; that is why we need to go there. To take time to ask, WHO am I? How can I BE who I am? (Or, as someone recently put it, "What am I doing here? Where am I going?" And it is a dangerous place, because these are dangerous questions. The answers could mean I might have to change. Change how I am thinking about myself, change how I am being me. The temptation is always to NOT be who I am. After Baptism, after entering into a covenant with God, life simply cannot continue in its ordinary way. And Mark tells us, pointedly, that Jesus was driven, by the Spirit, into the wilderness. Driven! It is a deliberately strong word. Maybe he would rather have not gone there. Maybe he needed a bit of (what we call) "encouragement". We usually do not want to go there. It is too lonely. There is no one to talk to, except myself, and God. (And God doesn't usually say very much!) There is no one to tell me what to do. Wilderness is exile; exile from the culture and the society which runs counter to the reign of God, counter to the purposes of God's justice and peace. And it is a dangerous place. One is confronted by one's demons there. I am confronted by myself. Much easier to keep busy, keep talking, keep moving. But we are driven there. Sometimes by outward events, some disaster. Sometimes by events of our own making. ollowers of Jesus, must know where to find their own nourishing, strengthening "wilderness". But although a dangerous place, it is still a place of protection; God's protection in the midst of all that would threaten us. Protection against the fears that would keep us from being who we are. The protecting presence of God, who encourages, and helps, me to BE who I am. Baptism is the sign of God's call to us to BE who we are. -Bryson